Not Understanding the Difference Between Correlation and Causality- I get up roughly at the same time the sun begins to rise, though not by choice. So it is, therefore, safe to assume that my getting out of bed causes the sun to rise, right? Of course it is, but this specific situation just happens to be an exception to a rule. Just because two events happen in combination does not mean that they are casually related. Wikipedia fucking says so.
Chick-fil-A happens to have been founded by a Christian man who was, from what I can tell, fairly open about his faith. They also make fucking delicious chicken sandwiches. Believe it or not, these two things are not causally related. Just because someone is Christian it does not give them an innate ability to command chicken meat into a delicious sandwich. Call me a heretic, but I've actually heard that Jesus made some pretty awful fried chicken. That's why he stuck to bread and wine. Because above all else, Jesus understood sticking to your strengths. And marketing.
But more to the point, being a Christian does not cause you to run a quality business. Not being a greedy shithead does that. I mean, I don't know my history all that well, but I'm fairly certain some Christian institutions have been run less than scrupulously. By the same token, being an Atheist doesn't prevent you from cooking chicken properly. Or at least I don't think it does. Mine always burns, but that's just because the Holy Water I keep trying to boil it in bursts into flames when I touch it.
Not that I'm specifically setting out to pick on Christianity or Chick-fil-A. On Chick-fil-A's own website they specifically say that the decision to close their locations on Sunday is "as much practical as it is spiritual" because they just think their employees should have a guaranteed day off during the week. Good for them. And for the record, I don't think Christianity is any more or less stupid than pretty much any other organized religion. I'm just saying that I fucking hate when people give credit where credit isn't due. But on the other hand, I fucking love...
False Causality- When it's used for my own amusement, of course. For example, here's a graph of when I started watching Top Gear vs. how recklessly I drive:
Does watching Top Gear cause me to drive recklessly? Of course not, but it's fun to have someone else to blame. Similarly, a chart depicting how old I am vs. how frequently I masturbate:
From this graphic alone I could safely state that having an age in the double-digit numbers actually causes masturbation. And finally, for my last exhibit, I would like to show how many books I have read vs. how awkward I am in public places:
Actually, I think I might be on to something with that one...
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