Showing posts with label spend money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spend money. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A Day or Three Late, Zero Bucks Short

In an appalling display of procrastination, here is the final summation of the greatest zombie-themed media available, originally intended to be posted back on Halloween. Just buy yourself a couple fun-sized candy bars you don't really like and pretend like the holiday never ended.

Best zombie movie:

28 Days Later- I've heard people piss and moan about how these aren't really "zombies." They run instead of shuffling. They retain some limited sense of human logic. They never fully die before turning. To all those nay-sayers who argue that this disqualifies Danny Boyle's gory masterpiece from being considered a "zombie film" I have an efficient, succinct counter-argument: shut up. The first time I saw it, 28 Days Later sent chills up my spine like any zombie film before or since has managed to do. The concept of the running horde is over one million percent scarier than a shambling crowd that you can escape with a brisk walk. Not to mention the cinematography and soundtrack to the film are fantastic as well. I will always be terrified of Godspeed! You Black Emperor, and now for more reasons than just being labeled a pretentious douche if people found out I listened to them.

Best zombie comedy:

Shaun of the Dead- With Zombieland as a close runner-up, I have to give victory to Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and Edgar Wright's masterpiece. SotD is a solidly gory zombie adventure about a crew of deadbeat adults struggling for survival and learning a bit about the world, friendship, and themselves along the way. Actually no, it's more of just a solid comedy about those things that just happens to involve zombies. Hollywood take note: zombies can actually help mend our broken hearts as well as tearing them out of our chests.

Best zombie book:

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks- This may seem like a shoe-in but it still deserves a mention. The Zombie Survival Guide is funny, informative, detailed, and easily accessible even to those who had never considered the merits of the crowbar in a zombie apocalypse (you weirdos). In his work, Brooks has touched the minds and hearts of millions. When I initially started bothering my friends about this topic, sensible zombie-warrior Matty Warbucks reminded about this gem. I'm assuming a lot of people have already read it, but if you haven't please go pick up a copy now so that you too can start annoying the shit out of your friends with hypothetical arguments over bicycles, fire axes and sniper rifles.

Best zombie video-games:

Left 4 Dead 1 & 2- The good people at Valve have a direct line into my heart. I don't know when or how they found it, but it seems to be made out of gory murder and sassy one-liners. When I eventually stopped playing their other gem, Team Fortress 2, long enough to breathe they suckered me into the Left 4 Dead series. Long story short, you play as one of four survivors of a zombie outbreak traveling together, fighting to reach a series of safe spots. Your characters all have separate and unique back-stories that you never fully know but get to glimpse through their dialogue with one another. This helps endear particular characters to particular people (except for Louis, who no one should like) and makes it all the more tragic when you watch them start to get ripped to shreds in front of you. Not only that, but the zombies are spawned randomly in accordance to how well you're playing. If you start out a little shaky, the games seem to take pity and lighten up how many undead rush you at once. If you begin to smash skulls, prepare to get smashed in return. Overall they are a pair of games so ambient, fun and well-balanced that they stand as an affront to God himself. Buy them now.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

CONSUMER WHORE

Continuing the Halloween zombie ball, I've compiled a short smattering of undead-themed media that you should go purchase and consume immediately. Suck it up.

Games

The Resident Evil Series- If you didn't grow up with these games you owe it to yourself to at least pick up the first one, play through it, and immediately not understand what all the fuss was about.

Eternal Darkness- Probably the only Gamecube game I ever played, it turned out to be a not-half-bad horror/adventure hybrid that wasn't strictly about zombies per say, but was somewhat hard, somewhat creepy, and contained shambling, shuffling monsters.

Dead Rising- Frank Genericlastname is an up-and-coming reporter who is the only one who can, through a series of timed missions and insanely hard boss-fights, expose a mysterious government cover-up somehow involving cows. More importantly, it's a mall filled with thousands of zombies and an assortment of destructive implements ranging from lawn mower to soccer balls.

Movies

The Evil Dead Trilogy- Bruce Campbell is a god among men. Things just won't stay dead. Somewhere along the line, a girl is raped by a tree. Hilarity ensues.

George Romero's '... of the Dead' series- Including Night of the Living (for historical purposes if nothing else), Dawn (old and new, but especially new), Land (it really wasn't that bad), Diary (it was that bad, but watch it anyway), and Day. But only the old version of Day with the underground military base, not the new one with Nick Cannon. Fuck you, Nick Cannon.

Quarantine- Characters you don't care about are locked in a tight apartment building with people and animals infected with an unnaturally violent form of rabies. Growling and teeth-gnashing follow. Worth your time if you can find it cheap. Legend has it that the original Spanish version, [rec], is even better.

Yes I totally left a lot of shit off this list. Some of it was on purpose for tomorrows compiling of what I would consider the best zombie media. Some of it I legitimately forgot or don't know about. Please make additions for the good of us all. Education is our best defense.