Traffic- I know, boo hoo, we all hate traffic. But seriously, I fucking hate traffic. In Hell, there will be traffic. Miles and miles of stop-and-go bullshit on a hot freeway where no matter how high you turn up your air conditioning you still wind up with a sweaty back and ass crack. And at first we'll all think, "Well this isn't so bad, I dealt with traffic in life, I can deal with it in the afterlife." But then we will realize that while now we can get out of our cars and put the ugly, gridlocked nightmares behind us, in Hell it will reach on for infinity, and you'll always be stuck in the passing lane behind some big fucking van with a "Baby On Board!" bumper sticker who can't seem to go two miles faster than the car in the right-hand lane and in front of a Hummer or some other bullshit death-machine that can clearly see over your car but still insists on riding up your ass as if that will somehow make everyone in front of you go faster. Also, you will always have to poop just enough that it's not an emergency yet, but you can't be sure you'll be able to hold it until you finally get to where you're going.But I actually don't hate...
Driving in general- Particularly driving at night. There's something about that feeling of command when you're the only car on the road and know you're free to speed and hug corners and generally drive like a twat that just makes you feel like the absolute bees' knees. In these moments I totally understand why people fetishize automobiles and make movies like Death Proof and watch crap like formula 1 racing (but not NASCAR). Burning gasoline in the dark with total freedom of pavement makes me feel like the absolute culmination of civilization. The Romans conquered most of Europe by building roads (and also, you know, by killing and raping), and here I am with dominion over late-night motorways. I really can find myself loving driving, when other people aren't ruining it for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment