MSSNG VLS

I fucking hate...

Vanity plates- Everyone who drives my car, the Scion TC, is an asshole. Maybe I just notice it more because the familiar shape of the car catches my eye, but every time I see another TC on the road it's always cutting people off, running red lights, ignoring stop signs, or parked across five spaces like a fucking douche-bag. I'm not claiming to be any better of a driver, but I do have something these other shitfaces don't: a regular fucking license plate. Very few things on this Earth seem quite as pointless and self-obsessed as vanity plates. I understand loving your car, but labeling it as "JACKS TC" or "MOMS CAR" is unnecessary. I can clearly see what type of car you drive, and, by default, I assume that you didn't steal it. Worse still than the self-important declarations of ownership, are the plates that drop so many letters that I have no fucking idea what they say. I'm sure the owner of "ILVBXLT" thought their love of... I don't know, bacon, BMX, lettuce and tomato figured they were being quite clever, but their plate actually just makes me assume they have a learning disability.

But I actually don't hate...

The occasional decent vanity plate- I can't come up for any hard and fast rule for what makes a vanity plate acceptable, but a certain amount of tongue in your cheek always seems to help. A dumpy, pedo minivan marked "ARAGORN" or a truck with plates reading "VEHICLE," for example, are smart-assy enough to keep me from wanting to stab their owners. Speaking of which, a jeep with the tag "STABBY" is just plain awesome. On principle I still have to hate all vanity plates, but I reserve the right to at least hate some of them much, much less than others. As with most things in life, a little bit of self-restraint can go a long way. Realizing that you have nothing decent to say on your car tags and getting the standard random string of letters and numbers helps make vanity plates all the more special for people who, say, are constantly thinking about devouring children. They are the greatest heroes of all.