Eats Shits and Leaves

I fucking hate...

Crappy punctuation- Being a nerd makes me a stickler for rules. Being a misanthrope makes me a stickler for rules that no one else gives a shit about and which are almost impossible to accurately enforce. Hence my love of picking on grammar. I do not claim to have spotless grammar, nor do I wish to teach what I do know to others. Because of this, I try to be lenient with sloppy syntax and misspellings. There are, however, two things I believe wholeheartedly:

1. There is a difference between writing an email to a friend and publishing an advertisement for your company. Official shit deserves to be proofread by someone half-way literate.

2. Punctuation, with the exception of the family bastard, the semicolon, is not that hard.

With these two factors considered, no grammar errors piss me off more than the inappropriate use of periods, question marks, and exclamation points in advertisements and corporate documents. "Hamburgers- 2 for $3?" is not okay to hang outside your restaurant. They are your hamburgers, don't ask me how much you're charging for them unless you're willing to bargain. By the same token, "List the steps involved?" is not okay to put on a test for new employees, unless you're willing to give full credit to the first wonderful asshole who answers with a solid "no." Going overboard in the other direction is bad, too. Question marks are necessary for questions. Without them, "Why not go to the mall!" has turned from an inquiry to a shouting match. Just pay a little attention to how you're ending your sentences, you assholes?!

But I do fucking love...

Correcting other people's crappy punctuation- In case it hasn't already become apparent, nothing makes me happier than when I can point out the punctuation mistakes of others, particularly if I don't like them. The others that is, not the punctuation. Is it necessary to fully flush out the meaning of a sentence? Not always. Is it smug and condescending? Of course. Does it make me feel like a big man anyway? You'd better believe it.

Because this section turned out to be so short, allow me to plug something I love: Zero Punctuation. Related to this article in name only.