Second-hand smoke bashing- I know this is by no means a new topic, but everyone in the entire fucking country seems to have such a permanent stiffie for whining about second-hand smoke. Let's all take a second to think about this. I agree that certain areas should be kept smoke-free: hospitals, airplanes... I don't know, day care centers? I would like to argue, though, that state-wide indoor-smoking bans are entirely unnecessary. Don't want to smell smoke while you eat at a restaurant? Don't sit in the fucking smoking section. That seemed to work out well. Don't want to smell like smoke when you come back from going out to a bar? Grow a fucking pair. Who goes out to get drunk in the neatest, cleanest way possible? I'll tell you who: people who don't understand the fucking point of drinking. I understand that you may not want to return to the office smelling like cigarettes after your liquid business luncheon (you posh twat), but what kind of shithead goes to some local dive and expects to come out squeaky-clean at the end of it? I live in a town full of shitty bars, and if I can go off-topic for a minute, if you want to bitch about smelling cigarettes then I want to bitch about having to smell your fucking pheromone-infused body spray and whore wash.So indoor smoking bans are dumb. But you know what's even dumber? Outdoor smoking bans. A few years ago, Pennsylvania state colleges instituted some ass-hatted rule where you were no longer allowed to smoke on campus. This immediately lead to one of two results: smokers being late to return to class from smoking breaks, or everyone collectively deciding not to give a shit. When the whole argument against second-hand smoke comes up, I've noticed that people like to go about saying that second-hand smoke personally gave them cancer and was the direct cause of the extinction of the dinosaurs. "It's unhealthy!" six bazillion moms in turtlenecks and high-waisted jeans have cried for years. You know what else is fucking unhealthy? Car accidents. And heart-attacks. And being allergic to bee stings. And fucking life in general. I know we've already started working on the bee stings part by mysteriously killing off an entire species of animal that we probably need to live, but that doesn't change the fact that EVERY FUCKING THING INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE IS KILLING YOU SLOWLY AS WE SPEAK. So let's all just calm the fuck down and live a little. Or let's at least stop bitching about the health hazards of smoke while we eat a 6,000,000,000 calorie quadruple-bacon-fatburger at our local TGI McAppleBarrel.
Which, as you can probably guess, means I fucking love...
Smoking just to piss people off- It probably would have been worth mentioning earlier in this article that I don't consider myself a smoker. I mean I go through a pack maybe every 2 months or something, but basically I smoke so little that if I ever identify myself as a "smoker" REAL smokers come out of the woodwork to collectively bitchslap me. The reason I have my panties in such a bunch over anti-smoking campaigns is that even without nicotine pulsing through my veins I can still spot a social injustice when I see it. That's why it gives me such great pleasure to light up a cigarette, even if I'm just going to let it burn and not smoke it, in front of doctors and moms and elementary schools everywhere. Or at least right off school property. It's kind of like an indirect middle-finger to groups of people I don't give a shit about. It also makes me look cool as hell.
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